These films have been modified to fit your screen. Also they suck.
Am I aloud to review movies I saw on the plane, even if I only saw two minutes of them, just because they're shit?
Okay, I won't. But seriously, The Da Vinci Code, shut the fuck up.
Tom Hanks: Maybe the letters are out of order, just like the numbers in the Fibonacci Sequence!
Amelie: An ANAGRAM?!?
Stunning dialogue there. Doesn't stand out at all like you're trying to clarify things for the audience. It felt like a big screen CSI, for fuck's sake.
To be fair, my powerful hatred of the book makes me somewhat biased. Okay, the 140 pages I read, I hated. The prose, dialogue and characterisation were so poor I don't care if it reveals the meaning of life wrapped up in the most unpredictable plot twist imaginable, I couldn't handle it.
And Ron Howard, he executive produces Arrested Development. How could he display such terrible taste here?
Anyway, whatever. Jihad on Dan Brown!
That was the flight from Australia to LA, where economy class has those little screens, so The Da Vinci Code could be clicked away from. The flight from LA to Toronto, there were no such options.
Just My Luck.
Morbid curiosity got the better of me here, so I caught about twenty scattered minutes of this on. We're supposed to like Lindsay Lohan's horrible character in this movie while she glides through life, and then sympathise with her when she gets all unlucky. She kisses some unlucky guy and their luck switches, or whatever. It's as clever as it sounds. And one of the pieces bad luck that befalls her? She eats scraps of bacon off a stranger's plate at a diner. She just... picks it up... and eats it. There's a difference between being unlucky and being a fucking moron.
And the unlucky guy, he's the manager of the band McFly, and also he works at a bowling alley. I don't know. And McFly are a real band, apparently. Imagine a pop-punk band... except even WORSE than that. At least they're not pretending to have street cred, though, because if they were, appearing in a Lohan movie would be... wow.
Anyway, it was pretty stunningly ordinary.
Tomorrow, however... Tomorrow begins the movie run of awesomity. Get ready.
Okay, I won't. But seriously, The Da Vinci Code, shut the fuck up.
Tom Hanks: Maybe the letters are out of order, just like the numbers in the Fibonacci Sequence!
Amelie: An ANAGRAM?!?
Stunning dialogue there. Doesn't stand out at all like you're trying to clarify things for the audience. It felt like a big screen CSI, for fuck's sake.
To be fair, my powerful hatred of the book makes me somewhat biased. Okay, the 140 pages I read, I hated. The prose, dialogue and characterisation were so poor I don't care if it reveals the meaning of life wrapped up in the most unpredictable plot twist imaginable, I couldn't handle it.
And Ron Howard, he executive produces Arrested Development. How could he display such terrible taste here?
Anyway, whatever. Jihad on Dan Brown!
That was the flight from Australia to LA, where economy class has those little screens, so The Da Vinci Code could be clicked away from. The flight from LA to Toronto, there were no such options.
Just My Luck.
Morbid curiosity got the better of me here, so I caught about twenty scattered minutes of this on. We're supposed to like Lindsay Lohan's horrible character in this movie while she glides through life, and then sympathise with her when she gets all unlucky. She kisses some unlucky guy and their luck switches, or whatever. It's as clever as it sounds. And one of the pieces bad luck that befalls her? She eats scraps of bacon off a stranger's plate at a diner. She just... picks it up... and eats it. There's a difference between being unlucky and being a fucking moron.
And the unlucky guy, he's the manager of the band McFly, and also he works at a bowling alley. I don't know. And McFly are a real band, apparently. Imagine a pop-punk band... except even WORSE than that. At least they're not pretending to have street cred, though, because if they were, appearing in a Lohan movie would be... wow.
Anyway, it was pretty stunningly ordinary.
Tomorrow, however... Tomorrow begins the movie run of awesomity. Get ready.
posted by Simon A at 1:17 PM
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