Look! It's a thingy!

A few months ago or some such Glenn told me to do this thing. So here we go!

1. Popcorn or candy?

I'm not a big food-buying person at the movies- it's too expensive. If I'm going to take food in I'll usually buy a hot lunch and take it in hidden in a backpack. Shhhh! But if I had to choose, I'd buy Maltesers or something- popcorn makes me too thirsty.

2. Name a movie you've been meaning to see forever.

Plan Nine from Outer Space! I rewatched Ed Wood the other week, and have never seen one of the man's films! Worse still, I've owned three of his DVDs for about eight years now or something. It was eight bucks for three of them (Plan Nine and two others, I forget which) so I had to get them.

3. You are given the power to recall one Oscar: Who loses theirs and to whom?

Man, just one? I'd take back all of Crash's, especially the one it stole from Match Point. And I'll also go back a few years and stop Finding Neverland's dull-as-fuck score from stealing Thomas Newman's fantastic work on Lemony Snicket. I'd probably take away all of Neverland's nominations, actually, because that film shat me.

4. Steal one costume from a movie for your wardrobe. Which will it be?

Donnie Darko's Halloween costume is pretty hardcore cool. Not for wearing in day-to-day life, though... Perhaps if I'm feeling formal, I could be a member of Kill Bill Volume One's Crazy 88. Those dudes dress swanky.

Maybe Carrie's prom dress. POST pig's blood.

5. Your favorite film franchise is...

The American Pie franchise was looking a bit dicey, but then Band Camp came along and HIT IT OUT OF THE PARK. And now there's a fifth one coming! HUZZAH!

Only, not really. Seriously, they are doing a fifth one. Why? WHY?

Lord of the Rings is pretty high up there, if only for the fact that it didn't falter; almost every other franchise has at least one dud. They need to release the other two Night Watch movies here, too, so I can see how that stands up. Crazy Russian subtitles are awesome. Is the third one even finished yet, though?

6. Invite five movie people over for dinner. Who are they? Why'd you invite them? What do you feed them?

- Kate Winslet, because of all her awesome. Can someone have more awesome? She's talented, funny, not a famewhore, and she's real purdy. And she delivered some of television's finest ever comedy when she appeared on Extras.

- Paul Thomas Anderson. As well as trying to tap his talent, together we can plot the death of Paul WS Anderson- the EVIL Paul Anderson.

- Charlie Kaufman. I wonder if he's as insane as his scripts suggest he is? We'll find out.

- Joss Whedon, because yes, I'm one of those. I'll die before calling myself a Browncoat, though. Browncoats freak me out. Seriously, they're like "I have my special Serenity with a slipcase cover, and I have the regular version which I'll keep for mint, and I also imported it from America even though that edition has fewer features, and next week the one I ordered from Belgium should be here!" WHY??? But really, Joss is a funny, funny clever man who will take me under his wing or at least give me advice. Or I will destroy him.

- Jon Brion. He can play music to entertain us, if he feels like it. Or if he wants to be fed. Plus PT will have someone else to talk to.

And we're having nachos. I make fantastic nachos.

7. What is the appropriate punishment for people who answer cell phones in the movie theater?

They should be punished by all people in the cinema, the manner of punishment depending on how far away the people are sitting from the talker. So the people furthest away, they only get to administer a nipple cripple upon the the talker. Closer to him or her (and let's face it, it's most likely a him) they get to kick the talker in the head. Closer still, the innocent movie patrons are given tasers, to use at their leisure. For those really close, they get to get all Hostel on the fucker.

8. Choose a female bodyguard: Ripley from Aliens. Mystique from X-Men. Sarah Connor from Terminator 2. The Bride from Kill Bill. Mace from Strange Days.

The Bride, probably, because she'll fight dirty, AND she's way sassy. Although why not just get Mystique to look like the other four?

9. What's the scariest thing you've ever seen in a movie?

Other than, like, all of An Inconvienient Truth, you mean? I have trouble getting scared in movies. Suspiria freaked me out, but that was because of the absolutely insane soundtrack. There was another movie I saw at Toronto called S&Man. It's a documentary on the nature of horror movies but then it starts to get in your head and the ending really sticks with you. Really, truly. I hope it sees the light of day because people really should see this.

10. Your favorite genre (excluding comedy and drama) is?

Horror! Horror horror horror. Horror? For serious, though, no PG-13 slashers. It's been discussed before, but what's the point? If anything it's also worse because it's inviting eight year olds to see these movies where people get killed, and they get killed violently, we just don't see it! And then they do the fucking double-DVD-dip when they release the film "Unrated". Word of advise- generally we Aussies don't get a choice when a DVD gets released "Unrated". And in general we get the longer version, only it's called "Uncut", and it's got THE SAME RATING as the original release. Fuck that shit, man.

But also, I'm getting tired of gorenography. Gore for gore's sake? No thanks. I like gore but it is NOT a replacement for atmosphere. My favourite horror movies of late are the ones that make me sad. Wolf Creek made me sad. You like the characters getting killed, they aren't just fodder. Shit, even the UK's Severance was sort of upsetting, and that was a horror-comedy! Now that shows talent.

11. You are given the power to greenlight movies at a major studio for one year. How do you wield this power?

Whole lotta horror. BUT there are conditions. As mentioned above, no PG-13 shit, unless it's a ghost story that doesn't need blood or sex or swears. And also nothing that replaces atmosphere with blood, because atmosphere is always better. Lucky McKee will get a movie actually distributed to cinemas. Although Angela Bettis has to feature heavily, because those two work fantastically together.

I'd also be greenlighting some (many!) indie comedies, because I'm a sucker for those things. Also one or two mainstream ones, preferably directed by Judd Apatow. Nothing by any dickhead who has ever directed an Adam Sandler movie, or that Wedding Crashers wanker, he can go away. And I'm not going to ban members of the Frat Pack, exactly, but they're not allowed to do anything self indulgent. Which is pretty much as effective as a ban, I guess. Those guys are capable of being funny but it seems they'd much rather just appear on camera having a good time that no member of the audience is allowed in on.

Finally, I'd greenlight a bunch of Australian genre flicks. And I'd give them a decent budget. Not a stupid amount, but enough. The horror rules above still apply.

12. Bonnie or Clyde?

I've never seen it! I know that's awful. I'll say Bonnie, because Faye Dunaway was pretty great in Chinatown. Although it should be noted that Warren Beatty has this hilariously full of shit thread at the IMDb. Check poster's history, she just posts at the pages of Beatty and his movies and costars. The best part is, I don't think she's just bored and making it up, I think she's a legitimately crazy person. That's always more fun.

13. Who are you tagging to answer this survey?

If anyone read this thing who hasn't been tagged already then I'd be putting their names here. But that doesn't happen!